Resolution
12:35am Thurs 5th January 2006 cozy night
Post festive syndrome... period of reflection and anticipation... hmm i remembered exactly one year ago, right this very moment, i was busy rushing projects..busy planning my escape route out of school. I hated school actually, too much of time wasted on things i feel are pretty crappy n useless. Outdated Textbooks, boring lectures, crappy thesis, overdue projects... I am juz there doin watever i am doin because i have to, becoz i have to do it thats why i am here. thats wat i felt... everything especially the future seems so vague and tiring. All becoz I know i can do so much more...
Fortunately, or miraculously, i did well in exams.... at least thats the onli thing i felt i didnt let my folks down. I know exactly how difficult it was to put two naughty kids to uni, i dunch wana let them down, probably thats wat kept me going. Eternally grateful to them really...
Decided to give myself a one mth break, always wanted to consolidate all my past works and put them up on the web... tiring but fruitful process, however...with that I never realise i am actually digging my very own grave ... nvr tot i am nvr going to pick up that brush again....whr did my passion go? sigh
Took me ard two months to find this job, how an application for a marcom position ended up as a sales engineer and now a product specialist within 3 short months remains a mystery... but i do know that i have come to know a very very nice group of colleagues... especially my manager, whom not onli taught me alot alot as a mentor but also a fren whom i can relate to. Everyone seems happy working together... sadly, he is leaving too big a pair of boots for me to fill, if given a choice, I will nvr wan to take over his duties .. nvr will i wana do that. sigh.
So back to where i am writing this blog of mixed emotions... i need my daily dosage of coffee now... nice sad songs on class 95 still.. sometimes i guess i need someone to tok to or tell me wat is the right thing to do, but well, life has to go on... so wats next?
I guess I will still probably be who i am... someone who feels he can do much more, a pillar whom my colleagues can depend on, someone who is eternally grateful to the many pple whom one way or another gave me a helping hand when i am low and down, someone who luvs his coffee late at night, still the crazy guy who believes fairy tales do exists...
and definitely, someone who juz escaped out of school....
bryan
Post festive syndrome... period of reflection and anticipation... hmm i remembered exactly one year ago, right this very moment, i was busy rushing projects..busy planning my escape route out of school. I hated school actually, too much of time wasted on things i feel are pretty crappy n useless. Outdated Textbooks, boring lectures, crappy thesis, overdue projects... I am juz there doin watever i am doin because i have to, becoz i have to do it thats why i am here. thats wat i felt... everything especially the future seems so vague and tiring. All becoz I know i can do so much more...
Fortunately, or miraculously, i did well in exams.... at least thats the onli thing i felt i didnt let my folks down. I know exactly how difficult it was to put two naughty kids to uni, i dunch wana let them down, probably thats wat kept me going. Eternally grateful to them really...
Decided to give myself a one mth break, always wanted to consolidate all my past works and put them up on the web... tiring but fruitful process, however...with that I never realise i am actually digging my very own grave ... nvr tot i am nvr going to pick up that brush again....whr did my passion go? sigh
Took me ard two months to find this job, how an application for a marcom position ended up as a sales engineer and now a product specialist within 3 short months remains a mystery... but i do know that i have come to know a very very nice group of colleagues... especially my manager, whom not onli taught me alot alot as a mentor but also a fren whom i can relate to. Everyone seems happy working together... sadly, he is leaving too big a pair of boots for me to fill, if given a choice, I will nvr wan to take over his duties .. nvr will i wana do that. sigh.
So back to where i am writing this blog of mixed emotions... i need my daily dosage of coffee now... nice sad songs on class 95 still.. sometimes i guess i need someone to tok to or tell me wat is the right thing to do, but well, life has to go on... so wats next?
I guess I will still probably be who i am... someone who feels he can do much more, a pillar whom my colleagues can depend on, someone who is eternally grateful to the many pple whom one way or another gave me a helping hand when i am low and down, someone who luvs his coffee late at night, still the crazy guy who believes fairy tales do exists...
and definitely, someone who juz escaped out of school....
bryan
posted by Bryan at 1:33 AM
1 Comments:
The feeling I get from your posts and chats so far is that... you are someone very concerned about being "right" (in your opinions of pple, things, etc) or doing the "right" thing.
But as you taught me, sometimes life is grey and not purely black and white. When faced with uncertainties, or when u are standing at the crossroads, take the one you have a gut feeling about though you have plenty of doubts at the back of your head about whether if it's the right route. You will never know whether something is right, until you walk the path. That is sth a friend taught me before.
You can't say you regret something, until you have done it. You can't say you have not done the right thing, until you have done it. And nobody can ever tell you what's the right thing to do, because only you can make the decision for yourself... but of course, if you are really at a lost, and somebody else is very clear-minded, having someone to tell you what to do helps a lot. Haha. So it's all grey sometimes. And that's life I guess -- we have to make our own mistakes and learn thru them. Or u pray hard that some other people make the mistake before you do, and u learn thru them :p
Yes, and everyone can do much more as long as they have the willingness to learn, and the drive to see that it gets done. So you can too, and you will some day become whatever you wish to be at your career. But don't be a pillar just to your colleagues, for colleagues will someday leave,or change. Be a pillar to people who matters more in your life -- mostly your family and friends. For they are the only ones who probably will remain your only constant in life more than colleagues do.
And yes, I understood about escaping out of school. It's a different ball game altogether, and sometimes, depending on the field you are in, u see the different evil sides of human beings as well. But well... that's too lengthy to explain but I am glad that you have good colleagues and manager/GM.
Take life as it comes, learn each every mistake, live every moment, and dont worry about having to do the "right" thing every time (of cos, unless someone gets hurt in the process). Just do what you think is best for yourself, or for others, and let everything else fall into place.
Make a resolution to be happy, live more healthily (which really means take care of your ankle), love/care more deeply for those who matters, and trust others less (in order to survive in the very real, adult & working world). :)
Cheers,
~ someone whom u have taught to use my heart more than my head and about irrationality, but ironically u later become rational yourself and use your head more -- but I appreciate the lesson learnt anyway (ie. I should just trust my rationality and head from the beginning and not listened to u lol). And someone whom you can always talk to if you need a listening ear or for very straightforward / frank/ in-your-face advice, lol.
All the best for 2007! It's a brand new year! And everything will begin on a new, hopeful note :)
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