Mission to Anfield
29th September 2007 3:15am
London
Liverpool Store and Museum
Astonished by how quickly time flies. By monday, i wld be 1 year into my job.... I should be feeling happy, shouldnt I? Afterall, this job has brought me to lots of places, places that i thought i might never be able to go.. not at least b4 i turn 30. Places like the Hermitage museum at St Petersburg where some of Leonardo da Vinci's most famous work are kept.. and of coz, also places like THE KOP.. Yes, Anfield stadium, pride of Liverpool... still can't believe that i was actually right at its door steps staring at the famous Paisley Gateway just some 20 over hours ago. Not even those who knew abt my relationship with Liverpool FC will be able to imagine how I feel there and then..no one, not even myself. Tell me its just a dream, i will believe u, honestly.
So now what? Am i a happy man now that i have accomplished some of my personal dreams with this company. If i tell you i am not as happy as i thought i should be, am i being unreasonable? Am i greedy, if i am going to say i wanted something more? something more pragmatic than merely giving the chances to go to places that are out of my dreams? Do i even deserve all these anyway?
Truly enjoyed my road trip to liverpool alone. From figuring out the surreal complexities of the subway to negotiating my way at the Euston train station and surving an creepy night in a 100 years old hotel.. frankly i didnt really missed anyone thru out this trip at all, simply indulged in the quietness of just me and my footsteps... and at that very moment, I know i am truly happy from within. Does this meant i am really an introvert in nature?
So what am i exactly? what am i to my parents? what am i to my sister? my gf? what am i to my friends? what am i to my colleagues? or even my boss? Ideally, I really really just wish to be me.. but i know i cant. i can never be the real me facing these people... simply becoz expectations of me from these pple are never the same. Sometimes i wish some these pple can be more understanding towards the decisions i made at certain given circumstances. Pleasing one party will surely upset another. After all, expectations is always a zero sum game isnt it? darn, hell wif it...
I wish i can meet someone like me... someone who totally thinks and feels exactly like me. Ever thought i met someone like that but it didnt work out.. so guess no such person exist or things just dun work like that.. at least not the way we wants it to be, no matter how desperately we wants it to be... yea?
so how far have i grown? still lazy to wake up every morning, still having difficulty controlling my finances, still cant communicate wif my dad, still finding the courage to love somebody again. Still the same old me... am i losing control of myself or am i allowing myself to be out of control?
From now onwards, i will be in control of my future. I have to do this... or else 20 years on, i will still be the same old me.
Bryan
London
Liverpool Central City
The KOP, Anfield
Friendly liverpuldian folks
Liverpool Store and Museum
Bill Shankly
posted by Bryan at 2:38 AM
6 Comments:
No two same person exist in this world, look alikes maybe but definitely not in character wise. Or that's what i strongly believe, everyone is unique in their own way or another.
Think about this, are you living a life for your own or as what people wants you to be? Expectations are avoidable but from time to time again I've always tell you, choose the path where you are most comfortable walking and one that you will enjoy walking. No one else knows what you want better than yourself. Friends and close ones may offer you the best solution in the world, but eventually at the end of the day is that what you really want?
After today, you are out at "that" world for a year le. For the pass one year I saw a little graduate boy maturing into a man within a year.
Moving fast may be good, but at times do slow down your walking pace and look around you, it will be a real eye opener...
Looking through your thoughts, the paths you've walked...I'm really happy for you. Glad that you're able to venture out on your own, go to the dream places that you've so wanna go.
You are at ease with yourself, no doubt about that. Embrace what you have and who you are. You don't need another being who is similar to you in order to feel whole. Contentment within self is the best.
Continue to explore, to search and be daring to fly!
You are not greedy --its just human nature to want more. But u sound like a manic depressive.
Ease up, enjoy life! U can never escape from people's expectations of you, but you can choose how to handle them. Not everything in this life is within your control, wish and try as you might. So instead of being anxious about how your life has turned up or is going to be, live it -- right here and right now. Everything you know now will somehow fade away in future, or change. So cherish everyone and everything as you know now, and if you need to, be by yourself to reflect, to breathe and to recharge.
Looking at how life has turned out for you -- visiting places only others could only dream of, what more do you want? Think of the poor and the sick, if you are not thankful for what you already have. We all tend to be selfish, and we should unlearn that -- stop thinking only about yourself.
There can never be two persons with the same thoughts and feelings as you are. Maybe someone close to that, but never exactly the same unless you want a robot with programmed feelings. Cherish the uniqueness of others. Some may annoy you. But pick your battles, pick your friends, pick your life path, and have no regrets.
it's just a dream! =)
wow! really happy for you that you have fulfilled 1 of your greatest dreams.. cherish the whole experience you had..
just be yourself.. expectations are unavoidable.. but sometimes it helps to tap on our inner potentials.. to be a better person.. learn to live for youself within the expectations of others.. to strike a balance.. they may offer their point of views, but eventually you need to make and be responsible for the decision.. deciding what is the best for yourself, in the given circumstances..
can see that you have friends who are concerned about you... learn to appreciate the uniqueness of every individual you meet & slowly you will discover how fortunate you are to have them around..
brace yourself & be in control! find your courage from within.. i'm sure all efforts are worth it...
wish you happy.. = )
"Sometimes i wish some these pple can be more understanding towards the decisions i made at certain given circumstances. Pleasing one party will surely upset another. After all, expectations is always a zero sum game isnt it?" i think in this expect you haven't grown or changed at all.... still as bounded by others' expectations, still mind what others think (expect) u. all along i feel that this is the thing which makes u frustrated most of the time... when u mind so much what others expect of u, then u are tied and not able to be yourself liao, which i think is probably why u like to spend time alone so much.
i think when u are confident about the things that u do, when u are very sure why u do things this or that way, or why u did this but didn't do that, etc, u will naturally be concentrating on the stuff/things/actions that u do rather than concerned with whether u met up with other people's expectations or not. even when they make noise/ consequent actions, etc, u won't be bothered by it because u know fully well why u did what u did and it's not because somebody else expects u to do so.
it's something u gotto think about..
ok don't niam already wait u say i'm like your ah gong.
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