Oranje
7th February 2008 5:37pm Lunar New Year First Day
BORED. If there is a better word u might find that is able to better intensify it further, cool... u got the idea. Whats with the CNY visits anyway, could tell from those faces, everyone seems to be simply doin for the sake of doin it, do they really enjoy visiting each other? if they are that sincere why wait until CNY. Crappy pple... Anyway, this surely will be the last time i celebrate CNY.. for good.
Four months since i wrote anything here.. surely things happened. Like it or not these events just comes and goes, no one can possibly have any control over them or wat so ever. Sort of procrastinating my return just so it wun remind me of those sad moments.
A v close uncle of mine has passed away lately, v nice, honest, hardworking and humble man. Just before his death, he asked the doc how on earth did he got cancer, thats the first time he ever lost his cool. He was 62. Earlier, another fren of mine whom i known since poly days passed away in a motorcycle accident, an event absolutely no fault of his. Very polite, friendly and positive minded guy. Just moved into a new apartment with his gf... Both he and my uncle are surely one of the nicest pple i ever ever knew my whole life. These are the guys whom i knew deep down i can never have a personality half as good, never will be.
Reminds me of Darren who is always motivating and stressing his fav quote, "Life isnt fair, live it to the fullest while you can. "
These are the events that probably changed my perception of life pretty drastically. I no longer look forward to marriage, kids or be allowed myself tied down to by anything. Still wasnt that sure that i will see life as it is, but at least until someone or any event comes along that manage to change my mind, i will stick to it like a divine inspiration to life.
Well not everything's that gloomy tho, landed myself in a new working environment, new boss, role, colleagues as well as more responsibilities. Cant tell for now if this is a smart move, so far everything seems fine, probably a couple of colleagues whom i felt i could click at first sight. Darren and Tammy especially, cool pple to mingle with~
Came back from Netherlands a couple of days ago, just in time for CNY crap. Should have gone straight to phuket, probably i will do that every CNY. So hows Netherlands? pretty ok, but wasn't really the best European country i would recommend. Sky's either too dark and gloomy or the wind's just too strong and chilling to walk comfortably on the streets. Not many grand architectures or cathedrals that fascinates me as compared to the time i was at Saint Petersburg, no fireworks to see, no hour glass blond babes that u can see with ur eyes closed in Russia. Probably what stands out most would be the famous Amsterdam Red Light District, then again like Victor puts it, "i wouldnt fuck them even if they pay me a 100 euro", enuff said abt the quality of the girls over there.
Then of coz of my most fav, the Van Gogh museum, probably more than 100 of his masterpieces and scribbles are exhibited, most fascinating is the way they exhibited his works, its like walking thru time, tells us alot abt van gogh's mental drive right from the beginning, his inspirations and art influences over his works, his battle against depression as well as his ever burning passion for art, of coz how tragically fate played against him. Very sad end.
Well still, we managed to visit the famous "coffeeshops" for their weed of coz, surely an enchanting first experience to forgot all sorrows. =P
So thats abt it. Netherlands, will be back pretty soon i guess, probably 2 or 3 times a year? Taiwan and China are still the places i look forward to, Asians are still my cup of tea, hopefully my new role can bring me there. Likewise, this job brings me places round the globe but not as much as my previous one, good or bad? still too early to tell. but like the divine inspiration suggests, "live life to the fullest while u can", i will stick to it and see where it brings me to.
Bryan
BORED. If there is a better word u might find that is able to better intensify it further, cool... u got the idea. Whats with the CNY visits anyway, could tell from those faces, everyone seems to be simply doin for the sake of doin it, do they really enjoy visiting each other? if they are that sincere why wait until CNY. Crappy pple... Anyway, this surely will be the last time i celebrate CNY.. for good.
Four months since i wrote anything here.. surely things happened. Like it or not these events just comes and goes, no one can possibly have any control over them or wat so ever. Sort of procrastinating my return just so it wun remind me of those sad moments.
A v close uncle of mine has passed away lately, v nice, honest, hardworking and humble man. Just before his death, he asked the doc how on earth did he got cancer, thats the first time he ever lost his cool. He was 62. Earlier, another fren of mine whom i known since poly days passed away in a motorcycle accident, an event absolutely no fault of his. Very polite, friendly and positive minded guy. Just moved into a new apartment with his gf... Both he and my uncle are surely one of the nicest pple i ever ever knew my whole life. These are the guys whom i knew deep down i can never have a personality half as good, never will be.
Reminds me of Darren who is always motivating and stressing his fav quote, "Life isnt fair, live it to the fullest while you can. "
These are the events that probably changed my perception of life pretty drastically. I no longer look forward to marriage, kids or be allowed myself tied down to by anything. Still wasnt that sure that i will see life as it is, but at least until someone or any event comes along that manage to change my mind, i will stick to it like a divine inspiration to life.
Well not everything's that gloomy tho, landed myself in a new working environment, new boss, role, colleagues as well as more responsibilities. Cant tell for now if this is a smart move, so far everything seems fine, probably a couple of colleagues whom i felt i could click at first sight. Darren and Tammy especially, cool pple to mingle with~
Came back from Netherlands a couple of days ago, just in time for CNY crap. Should have gone straight to phuket, probably i will do that every CNY. So hows Netherlands? pretty ok, but wasn't really the best European country i would recommend. Sky's either too dark and gloomy or the wind's just too strong and chilling to walk comfortably on the streets. Not many grand architectures or cathedrals that fascinates me as compared to the time i was at Saint Petersburg, no fireworks to see, no hour glass blond babes that u can see with ur eyes closed in Russia. Probably what stands out most would be the famous Amsterdam Red Light District, then again like Victor puts it, "i wouldnt fuck them even if they pay me a 100 euro", enuff said abt the quality of the girls over there.
Then of coz of my most fav, the Van Gogh museum, probably more than 100 of his masterpieces and scribbles are exhibited, most fascinating is the way they exhibited his works, its like walking thru time, tells us alot abt van gogh's mental drive right from the beginning, his inspirations and art influences over his works, his battle against depression as well as his ever burning passion for art, of coz how tragically fate played against him. Very sad end.
Well still, we managed to visit the famous "coffeeshops" for their weed of coz, surely an enchanting first experience to forgot all sorrows. =P
So thats abt it. Netherlands, will be back pretty soon i guess, probably 2 or 3 times a year? Taiwan and China are still the places i look forward to, Asians are still my cup of tea, hopefully my new role can bring me there. Likewise, this job brings me places round the globe but not as much as my previous one, good or bad? still too early to tell. but like the divine inspiration suggests, "live life to the fullest while u can", i will stick to it and see where it brings me to.
Bryan
posted by Bryan at 5:35 PM
8 Comments:
sorry to hear about your friend and uncle... It's difficult to be yourself again when someone close is gone.
I do not understand why their passing would change your outlook of life to no marriage and kids etc... wouldnt that be unfair to your gf?
Anyway, hopefully with time, the hurt will stop, and you can be cheerful again. I agree with you cnys are crap... Never really liked that. But this year -- I guess it's an aging issue -- I think I am beginning to appreciate the time taken to reconnect with not-so-close or people-you-see-once-a-year relatives and to just appreciate "family or friends". It's not so much whether one feels obliged to visitations (I sometimes drag myself along with my mum and sis), but if you went and put your heart into just coonecting with another human being, I think you will come out of it alot happier. :)
Anyway, much as you hate CNYs, I wish you and your family a Happy New Year filled with prosperity and good health nevertheless.
Now, let me leave you a poem which I had always like to describe my sad / despair state. It is by WH Auden and titled Funeral Blues, and was in the movie Four Weddings and A Funeral. I hope you wont be superstitious enough to chastise me for putting this here on CNY...
Funeral Blues
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
W.H. Auden
hey Sharon, wow i really love the poem~thanks! ha thankfully i am not that depressed yet. Sounds like u have an interesting CNY, wish u and ur family a happy and prosperous CNY too! take care yea.~ >_-
what you find irritating about others tells a lot about yourself. this is a quote that i live by now.
i think CNY visits are meaningless when you see them as one-dimensional: only visits. CNY reminds me greatly about who i am, and where i belong to. not ONLY on CNY of course, but it is among the many other things.
as for CNY itself, if you really stick to what your inspiration says, then you'd realise that you can make it much better than sticking to your one-sided belief of how meaningless it is. i mean, how often do you wish good things for other people? it can be very often for you, but what about for other people? festivals are there as a chance for goodness to pass around. it's the other way round.
as for the rest of the post, when you think more for other people, you'll eventually forget your own sorrows, and get much more happiness in return. i'm not theorizing, it's logical. HAHA! talk about paradoxes. time to take a panadol.
bing, maybe u got a point there... I do remember growing up luving the CNY mood, appreciates visits, enjoys gatherings with everyone in the family... the kinship and the brotherhood btw cousins makes everything, jovial and happy.
however that was surely the past. everyone has since grown up, largely occupied with their own family then anyone else. You could see in their eyes, stone cold eyes... everyone is just doin for the sake of doin watever they are suppose to do, or taught to do.. on such occassions. "take that hong bao and fuck off"...that how i see it.
perhaps u are right again, it tells alot abt myself. thats the way i think CNY is all abt..screwed up.
aiyoh so cynical ah.
what the quote means, is not a direct translation on yourself about what you dislike in others. I interpret it as this - if a friend tries to give me advise, but I always ended up quarreling with her/him and frustrated that why the friend don't understand what I'm saying, it could mean 3 things. 1) my friend ears got problem. 2) I didn't try to make myself clear and holds too much assumptions that everyone should know what i'm talking about, or 3) I didn't listen clearly to what my friend is advising me, hence I am the one who misinterpreted my friend's kind words.
All in all, what the quote is saying is that to examine yourself first before you examine others...
Actually if you still do read my blog, I'm not exactly a happy person now either.. Haha.. How ironic then, is my attempt to explain a happiness-inducing phrase above. Am going quite crazy nowadays.
Now where did I put the panadol. could be in the mahjong set.
-bing
yep. i know wat u are gg thru. felt exactly the same way as u towards the end of my time in my previous company. Felt like i am being trapped inside a zombie.
cheer up yea? =)
anyway check out this site,
http://poeticlifejourney.blogspot.com/
my current fav Tv show plus blog. like it so much that i am def gg to taiwan this march to 品茶 in the hills. This farmer omg, in his v zen self, he said smth like "茶,只是一个过程.. and he will do everything in his means to 泡出一杯, 他的茶." he also mentioned that wat he gain from his tea plantation is wisdom, something he or any one can buy from anywhere else. For the first time i really felt like i can finally find it the peace i am seeking desperately for the past 2 yrs.
haha anyway cheer up eh, everything will be fine, it is just a 过程. btw u are still afraid of gu?
silly girl.
night
hello,
just something to share.. i always believe that peace should always be found within you before you can have peace.. nothing external but internal.. along the way surely you'll sight things or events which makes you feel peaceful but thats more like a reminder on how peace should felt like.. isn't it.. =) hope it sets you thinking in other directions.
cheers,
SQ323
Hi SQ323/Kelly?,
yup agreed. peace comes from within, memories and sightings reminds me of that peace.. could recall the long train ride to liverpool, staring out the window on the bus ride home from sch, coffee on the desk, doing my paintings, sunrise over my window...especially one that happened a few years back, spending the bright sunny afternoon lying on the kitchen floor chatting with a girl i love so deeply... that, was really really peaceful.
These are probably the few moments that i treasured most.
Thanks SQ323
night
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