Riser Kageri~!

11:35am Mon 15th January 2006 cozy night

Stopped raining finally.. perhaps its a sign that i shld let wat ever happened last week go as well.

Last week was like a roller coaster ride, nt that there were huge ups n downs, juz that everything is happening so fast and hard that events seems blurry as i try to recall them... there were appointments almost everydae, one of the days i was rushing 3 of them consecutively, heavy downpours makes travelling even more difficult. On top of all that, joeric n I have to do the customization of a software for a POC of a tender on Fri; which we have no idea how it can be done. I even got to learn VB frm scratch... T_T

Joeric n I arent even programmers to begin wif, all we can do is to look for "patterns" in the code trying to figure out what these patterns can or cannot do. Then we have to painfully piece these patterns together hoping to seek meaning out of it, meanwhile trying to see hw these patterns can perform to certain functions required by the tender specs..

Its a long a tedious task, everydae it rained, everydae we stayed in front of our screens till 10pm... everydae i climbed the same flight of stairs to the same carpark, everydae i looked at the same streetlights out of joeric's car window. All i can think of is how the tender gg to turn out on fri....

Thurs 935pm: Rain

Miraculously, we finally broke the code. phew.. we did it?

Fridae 830am: Still raining

We are late for the tender due to traffic jam, also shocked to see 20 over gatekeepers sitting there waiting to evaluate our solution. Then joeric told me i will be the one doin the presentation. Exhausted, unprepared and inexperienced, there can onli be one outcome.

Utter failure.
Lost the 20k deal in mins. sigh

I am still far frm being what they wan me to be but credit to joeric and stephy, who encouraged me all the way, dun think i can meet colleagues like that elsewhr. Despite certain amt of negative energy within the company, i still believe this is the perfect enviroment for me to grow. Hmm didnt really tik that far anyway.., all i am gg to do is to remain true to myself, follow my heart, am sure things will turn out fine...


Mondae, rain stopped..

Bought the the dynamic trio of Justirisers todae~ finally!! I tik i am in love wif Riser Kageri! The blue armour over her boobs is so shinny i can almost see my humsup face on it. Had a hard time looking for Riser Glen and Riser Gant, thks to Kenneth's info, managed to get them at Toys R Us.

Time to slp.



bryan

Resolution

12:35am Thurs 5th January 2006 cozy night

Post festive syndrome... period of reflection and anticipation... hmm i remembered exactly one year ago, right this very moment, i was busy rushing projects..busy planning my escape route out of school. I hated school actually, too much of time wasted on things i feel are pretty crappy n useless. Outdated Textbooks, boring lectures, crappy thesis, overdue projects... I am juz there doin watever i am doin because i have to, becoz i have to do it thats why i am here. thats wat i felt... everything especially the future seems so vague and tiring. All becoz I know i can do so much more...

Fortunately, or miraculously, i did well in exams.... at least thats the onli thing i felt i didnt let my folks down. I know exactly how difficult it was to put two naughty kids to uni, i dunch wana let them down, probably thats wat kept me going. Eternally grateful to them really...

Decided to give myself a one mth break, always wanted to consolidate all my past works and put them up on the web... tiring but fruitful process, however...with that I never realise i am actually digging my very own grave ... nvr tot i am nvr going to pick up that brush again....whr did my passion go? sigh

Took me ard two months to find this job, how an application for a marcom position ended up as a sales engineer and now a product specialist within 3 short months remains a mystery... but i do know that i have come to know a very very nice group of colleagues... especially my manager, whom not onli taught me alot alot as a mentor but also a fren whom i can relate to. Everyone seems happy working together... sadly, he is leaving too big a pair of boots for me to fill, if given a choice, I will nvr wan to take over his duties .. nvr will i wana do that. sigh.

So back to where i am writing this blog of mixed emotions... i need my daily dosage of coffee now... nice sad songs on class 95 still.. sometimes i guess i need someone to tok to or tell me wat is the right thing to do, but well, life has to go on... so wats next?

I guess I will still probably be who i am... someone who feels he can do much more, a pillar whom my colleagues can depend on, someone who is eternally grateful to the many pple whom one way or another gave me a helping hand when i am low and down, someone who luvs his coffee late at night, still the crazy guy who believes fairy tales do exists...

and definitely, someone who juz escaped out of school....




bryan